I Never Told Her
by Val
Summary: "She'll never be mine. Never. I've always known and denied it, foolishly hoping... Hoping for a miracle to be... But miracles don't exist." You have to be a little open minded to read this...Review please.


I always loved her. When we were kids, I used to admire her a lot and that admiration slowly turned into love. Destiny allowed me to be in most of her classes at school. I'm very far from the genius she is, but I was considered as quite smart by teachers, which was a great thing for me, since I was able to do it into the advanced classes she was always in.  
  
Her intelligence is the first thing that attacted me to her when a little girl. Of course, she was very cute, with long lavender pigtails and huge sparlking blue eyes, but the way she'd understand everything so rapidly, how she could write and read in kinder garden... It amazed me. And she kept getting smarter, if possible, building incredible and complicated engines. But she wasn't a nerd at all. It was all natural to her and she was very sociable. Sadly enough, the other kids saw her inventions, didn't understand them, were angry because of that and rejected her, in a way. She grew to be a little bitter, a little lonely, yet loving life and fully enjoying it. I wish I'd been brave enough to walk to her and become her friend. But I stayed aside, just admiring her as years passed.  
  
It isn't so easy to be close to her. She's so famous and her smartness is so impressive... Plus she wouldn't let people get to know her so easily. But I know how nice she can be. People called her bitch when she's get angry and yell at everybody. They called her slut because of the way she dressed up; it was suggestive, but not that much... She's so beautiful... Very thin, long legs, well breasted, soft, perfect skin, pretty face, gorgeous eyes, silky hair... She could be an angel if she had wings.  
  
Despite her beauty, her brain, her intelligence and all of her qualities, she didn't have a boyfriend until her sixteen. She used to say boys were dumbasses because some of them would make fun of her name... And then she came back from vacations with him. I must admit he was a good pick. Nice, cute, strong and he did love her.  
  
So little to comfort my broken heart... I never really thought she'd come to me, but as years went on without a lover, I started thinking that... Maybe...  
  
It hurt to see them together. But she was happy, so I was.  
  
Of course, it is known they fought a lot and I've been the witness of a few of those arguements. Every time, I wanted to seperate them, to hold her tight and calm her down. I wanted to fill my lunges with her perfume, wanted to feel her skin under my fingers, wanted to... But I never dared.  
  
There was something stronger than my love, stopping me from going to her. The fact that I am also a girl built such a huge fence between us...  
  
I consider myself as a very open minded person, especially about those things, and it didn't surprise me much when I realized I loved her. But I couldn't tell her, or anyone. It'd be seen as wrong by many, and there's always risks of becoming a paria... I was shy and so lonely already... So I shut up, especially when he arrived. Call me a coward or whatever you want, I couldn't tell her. Besides, I could dream and I cherished those dreams... Imagining how she could tell me she loves me, how good we could be together... Impossibilites in fantaisies...  
  
Sometimes I really wished I could tell her. It could hurt so much... I loved her and I couldn't have her. Not only she was engaged, but what would people have said? She's known around the world! I couldn't do that to her...  
  
  
Once, a boy hit on me. I felt so bad for him... My heart was beating for someone else, for a girl. When he finally asked me out directly, I just said I didn't love him, without hinting there was someone in my mind already. Fortunately, he took it well and probably tried to find his "soulmate" somewhere else. Nice guy, but I couldn't love him.  
  
All of that, though, happened years ago. Now I have a job and, just as I always followed her in school, I'm still with her, in a certain way. She's the supreme boss, the Director with a big D. I have a good place in this huge company of hers and I get to see her once a week, usually. She's only more beautiful with time...  
  
Years of calm and simple happiness passed. Now I wonder how I could have lasted so long like that. A few days ago, an announcement was made and torn my sould, ripped it into shreds.  
  
She's pregnant. And she made it clear her boyfriend wasn't the father. In fact, he isn't with her anymore, and forever this time. I think she dumped him for that new man, shorter, dark, that I only saw once. I don't know much about him, but I don't like him. I couldn't explain why, but I can't accept she could have chosen him. Unlike the precedent lover, he doesn't seem to care.  
  
But if she loves him, what can I do? I want her to be happy...  
  
I try to convince myself it's all fine, but my eyes can't stop crying, I feel empty and broken. I shouldn't have fed my love like that during all those years. It would have ended like this anyway and I knew it...  
  
She'll never be mine. Never. I've always known and denied it, foolishly hoping... Hoping for a miracle to be... But miracles don't exist.  
  
I'm not angry though. She can't know one of her employees loves her since kinder garden. She can't know how hurt one is because of that baby. She doesn't mean it... I can't blame her... I love her too much.  
  
Next week, when I'll look presentable again, I'll give my demission and leave the Capital. It's too hard now, just thinking that a child will bear and look like her... I must get over her, my life time crush... It hurts, it terribly hurts, but I just have to do it. It's about time...  
  
I just hope she won't be there when I'll say I'm leaving. I could change my mind or, even worse, tell her everything. After so many years of keeping my feelings secret, revealing them just when I give it all up would be so stupid and I'd make such a fool of myself. No, I'll quit the company without waves and start a new life. It won't be completely without her, she's omnipresent and the birth of her child will be mediatized more than enough, but it'll be away from her. With distance the pain will go, the love will fade...  
  
With distance and time. Lots of time...  
  
Yes, lots a time... Another life time might do it.  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's note: Ok, I know I didn't give any warning concerning a F/F fic. Sorry, but I wanted to keep it "secret" until Character says it herself. Sorry. But be open minded a little! Was there anything disgusting in this fic?! I tried to write something nice about a girl loving another one. It's just like a girl loving a guy. If you people can't deal with it well... Don't bother reviewing then.  
  
Also, this character has no name and doesn't appear in DB/Z. She's purely fictionnal. If you hadn't guessed, her loved one is Bulma. I think twas pretty obvious by moments but if anyone wasn't sure... Well now you are! 


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